Just Not Enough…More Than Enough

I remember hearing this statement again and again when I was teenager. Things I did were ‘just not enough’. As I started growing up physically and spiritually this statement took a totally different perspective. I felt whatever I was doing, whatever I was striving for was just not enough. I felt I needed to do more to gain the prize for me. But every time I used to try as hard as I can I used to fall most of the times. Times I felt there was no going back. But yet, God in His supreme mercy lay His supremacy aside to make me understand that I could always rise. But that just wasn’t enough for me. I felt it were my works that was delaying His presence.

            I remember a time when I was hit hard. Even after God showing His Mercy and Grace always, I never got it. I said, “Lord, I failed you a Million times. And I failed You again. I feel You are tired of forgiving me. When I see Your people from Your Word, I see that they failed You once. But made sure they didn’t repeat failing You. And I keep failing you always. I feel I’m very far away from grace.” I was in this illusion for a long time and it was very hard for me to get out of it. And my Merciful Father, yet again, lifted me up from the pit and made me stand firm back up through His word from Hebrews 12: 4- 6, in which it speaks from Verse 5 saying, “My child, don’t think the Lord’s discipline is worth nothing, and DON’T STOP TRYING when he corrects you. He disciplines those he Loves.” This eased my pain and suffering a bit and I got back. But it was still Not Enough for me.

            Months later I was asked to help my church in something. I prepared the previous night for the task I was appointed to  and then prayed and went to bed. I was drawn into a crazy dream, in fact a nightmare. In my dream there was satan talking to me. It was a fiendish nightmare. In my dream I heard satan telling me, “You don’t deserve to go to heaven. You just are not good enough for it.” I asked him what charges he held against me since I have been Redeemed. Then he shows me this Book and tells me, “…this book has a record of all the good things people do in their lives.” Then, he slipped the pages to my name and said, “…your page is EMPTY. You have no good in you. You just don’t deserve heaven.” I was taken aback by his caustic remark. I was lost of words. I found nothing that could defend me anymore. I just looked at him in fear and felt all the good that I tried to do in life was a fiasco. It was just not enough. When I lost all hope, I heard a voice from heaven, saying, “…it is not the good he has done for me. It’s the good I have done for Him that makes him Worthy.” And that was it, satan pulled back in disgrace and I immediately got up from my sleep.

            The bible calls satan an accuser and Jesus your Defender. Satan might throw all the accusations on you to pull you down. Sometimes you might feel what all good your doing is just not enough. Let me remind you from what I learned, it’s the good God has done for you that makes you and me worthy. Not the works we do for Him. But what He’s done for us. So if you fall down, get back up. Don’t stop trying. Take every opportunity to ask Jesus to help you. God is too good to let go of you. It’s what He has done for us makes us worthy but not anything we do for Him. All we have to do is accept Him. Because, he accepted us just the way we are. Even when you ludicrously flunk in what you’re supposed to do…don’t worry…cause he looks at you and me the Way we were Meant to Be. When life hits you hard and you feel what you’re doing is ‘just not enough’….Jesus is ‘More Than Enough’.

Not because of who I am,
But because of What You've Done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of Who You Are.

-         Casting Crowns

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And SEES WHAT I WAS MEANT TO BE
More than just a beautiful mess

-         Matthew West